In one version of the story these Saints Crispin preached the gospel to the Gauls, made shoes at night, gave money to the poor, and were martyred — almost drowned, then beheaded. But there are no tigers in Africa and there was no Christian persecution in Gaul; however, both are very beautiful in the way… Continue reading Saints Crispin, v.2
When Christ our Savior was eight days old, as is traditional with Jewish boys, he was circumcised, like we all were in the ‘70s, except sometimes I’m not sure, looking at myself, but rarely, nudity is shameful and I’m busy enough already, but when I do look, I seem to be somewhere in between the… Continue reading Christ’s Holy Foreskin, v.2
This is best read by those who have already seen the documentary, but it’s your one wild and precious life, so gey gezunt. It’s just, so much of the power of this movie comes from not knowing what you’re about to see at all -- going in with your own expectations, anticipating what a true… Continue reading “From what I heard, and kind of put together…”: Casting JonBenet
As we talked about several months ago, my shrink suddenly explained that he actually wasn't taking my insurance at the moment and I found myself sort of cast adrift, therapeutically, until I realized that my barber, David, could see ghosts and told me a very complicated story about a little girl who haunted this house… Continue reading “Your Belief Undoes Your Disbelief”
Bob Perez was a police lieutenant in Wenatchee, Washington, when he was made head of the sex crimes unit in 1994. Perez had no experience in sex crimes (giving/receiving), and even said that his appointment to this role was a mystery. (Not, like, a clandestine mystery, or something a cabal set in motion. Most likely… Continue reading “The Worst of Anyone Can Be, Finally, an Accident of Hope”
Meet Mandane. First, her father, Astyages, dreamt that she "[made] water so greatly that she filled all his city," drowning everyone, and eventually drowning all of Asia. ("Is she still pissing in the river now? Heard she's gone, moved into a trailer park.") (I'm quoting a version of Herodotus because I'm Very Handsome and Very… Continue reading “A vine grew from her privy parts”
One thing that gets left out of the St Nick story is how pirates raided his tomb, stole his bones, but not all of them, just the big ones, leaving the smaller ones behind, like flakes of coal.
